Book Review: Necessary Endings

Peacemaker personalities often struggle to end dysfunctional relationships with fellow employees, friends, and even family members. For those seeking courage to move forward with life, I highly recommend Necessary Endings. In this book, Dr. Henry Cloud addresses thought patterns that paralyze peacemakers,  identifying key benefits of moving on.

In chapter 7, Dr. Cloud suggests different coping strategies depending on the type of person you are dealing with. He identifies three general classes of people: the wise, the foolish, and the evil (or destructive). He then shares King Solomon’s advice on the way you can identify a wise person: how that person receives instruction and correction (see Proverbs 1:5; 9:8–9; 10:8; 12:15; 15:12; 17:10; 19:20). 

While dealing with a wise person, talking is helpful. A wise person listens to feedback and adjusts to the truth. In other words, talking can make a difference. For example, a wise person

1. Listens without becoming defensive.
2. Accepts responsibility without blame.
3. Changes without delay. 

With a fool, however, talking wastes your time and theirs. They resist change and want the truth to adjust around them. The problem is never “in the room.” It’s always about someone else. With these folks,

1. Stop talking.
2. Provide limits.
3. Give consequences. 

A third type of person is the evil or destructive type. Dr. Cloud suggests that if efforts to talk escalate into personal attacks, lawsuits, or violence, protect yourself with lawyers, guns, and money. He quotes the Apostle Paul's counsel: “If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them” (Titus 3:10–11). If people attack,

1. Seek protection.
2. Stop being nice.
3. Don’t return their calls.

This book is helpful for all dealing with persistently difficult business or personal relationships.