Utah Coalition Against Pornography, 2014

The Utah Coalition Against Pornography held their annual conference on March 22, 2014, at Little America in Salt Lake City. The cost was just $15, and I highly recommend attending this event next year. Their website is http://utahcoalition.org/. The chair of this conference, Pamela Atkinson, asked conference participants to commit to tell five people what we learned, because education is a key to fight pornography’s grasp. If you like what I wrote, please share it with your own five people! Pamela said our efforts to fight pornography do make a difference. She commended the efforts of State Senator Todd Weiler, who sponsored a bill to fight pornography that is being considered by the Senate. There is a new middle school program called Fight the New Drug. Pornography is a problem, particularly for children and adolescents, because their brains are still developing and they can easily become addicted. Several conference presenters expressed compassion toward those facing this addiction. All called for civic action to prevent the spread of pornography. Following are my personal notes from this conference:

Pornography and the Consumption of Chaos: A Call for Education, Understanding, and Action

Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD

A very organized coalition of entertainment and media promoters is seeking to mainstream porn and replace the term with the term “visual sexual stimuli.” The press regularly promotes their research, no matter the quality. 

Will and Ariel Durrant wrote in The Lessons of History that there is wisdom in civilization’s moral restraint: “No one man, however brilliant or well-informed, can come in one lifetime to such fullness of understanding as to safely judge and dismiss customs or institutions of his society, for these are the wisdom of the generations after centuries of experiment in the laboratory of history. A youth boiling with hormones will wonder why he should not give full freedom to his sexual desires; and if he`s unchecked by custom, morals or laws, he may ruin his life before he matures sufficiently to understand that sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group” (pp. 35–36.)

Porn is a solvent. What does a solvent do? It dissolves. Porn is an emotional solvent--it dissolves relationships. It is addictive and pathological (a disease affected by what we view). The brain is trainable. It is moldable. Learning sculpts the brain through pruning the pathways. Porn is a drug that releases dopamine, which prompts desire. Dopamine beats a path of footprints to the pot of gold, and then the path of footprints hardens. 

Just as animals that don’t eat meat crave salt, people crave their addictions--in fact, the same areas of the brain are stimulated. Addicts forget how harmful their actions to themselves are as they seek satisfaction for their new cravings. The American Society of Addiction Medicine is defining pornography as an addiction. This is not just a moral issue but a damaging biological and emotional issue. Recovery is possible. Regarding healing, Dr Victor Cline says: “I have found that there are four major factors that most predict success in recovery. First, the individual must be personally motivated to be free of his addiction and possess a willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve success. . . . You can never force a person to get well if he doesn’t want to. . . . Second, it is necessary to create a safe environment, which drastically reduces access to porn and other sexual triggers. . . . Third, he should affiliate with a twelve-step support group. . . . Fourth, the individual needs to select a counselor/therapist who has had special training and success in treating sexual addictions.” - http://www.salvomag.com/new/articles/salvo13/13hilton.php#sthash.8Kgr2daf.dpuf.

Five ways to fight pornography:
1. Increase research funding.
2. Encourage more balanced press coverage of research (the press wants to say porn is safe).
3. Understand the addictive nature of addiction and treat it accordingly. Don’t treat as “Just say no.” This problem affects 90 percent of our young men.
4. Understand betrayal trauma and treat it with female support groups.
5. Decide to personally make a difference.

The Addiction Cycle

Jeffrey J. Ford

Pornography addiction has less to do with sex; it is about pain mismanagement (physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, relational). It's vital to involve others in the healing process. Learn to REACH OUT. Normally the right frontal lobe handles creativity, relationships, and emotions. This lobe can essentially shut down with pornography. When people unaffected by porn are in PAIN, they usually reach out to people, but because of porn, addicts don’t REACH OUT to REAL PEOPLE. Instead they REACH IN and look to images or FAKE PEOPLE. The 12-step program helps because it involves REAL PEOPLE handling pain within their relationships.

Porn leads the brain to handle stress differently:
“My friends didn’t call” becomes “No one likes me.”
“I did poorly on my test” becomes “I must be dumb.”
Inability to deal with pain leads to PREOCCUPATION with porn, but also HIDING PAIN, which leads to RITUAL: Addicts push loved ones away when help is needed the most. One spouse says, “How are you?” The other answers, “Fine” (masking the pain). Pain x shame = pain squared.
A scene from the animated film The Incredibles shows the heroic (but misguided) efforts of addicts to handle the pain on their own. Mr. Incredible says, “I have to do this alone," adding, "I can’t lose you again.” Elasti-Girl disagrees, reminding him, “We can do this together.”

Three keys to handling addictions and pain:
1. Accountability: Disclosure and awareness of feelings and behaviors.
2. Intimacy (into-me-see): exploration of feelings.
3. Dependence: healthy reaching out to others.

We can help children to handle their feelings and grow in emotional intelligence: VALIDATE feelings and RELATE experiences.

Understanding and Treating Betrayal Trauma

Dr. Kevin Skinner

Families affected by porn often experience betrayal trauma = PTSD (lasts longer than a month). About 43 percent of women feel trauma from spouses’ infidelity for more than two years. Trauma is reexperienced through dreams, need for numbing, inability to sleep, and anger. About 66 percent worry what partner is thinking about. About 80 percent numb/distract themselves.

Neuroception means how neural circuits perceive if someone is safe. If someone is safe, we can inhabit our natural response to fight, flee, or freeze. The first precondition for love is the perception of safety. The victim says, “Do I really know him?” Trust is vital in a marriage. It’s important to tell the truth with one’s spouse.

The addict often blames the spouse.

If we’re going to help, therapists have to really assess what’s going on with the perpetrator through thorough testing.

Have compassion. Far too many marriages end too early. We can learn about the harmful effects of divorce on children in the book “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.” Look at the stress, loneliness, anxiety, and satisfaction levels in the marriage. The window into marital satisfaction is sexual intimacy. Help couples understand each other as individuals, as couples, and through other support groups.

Healing together:
Accept each other and be honest.
Face shame.
Educate selves.
Counseling/12-step program/get sponsor.
Support each other.
Forgiveness (own your personal problems, but forgive self).
Have mutual compassion.

Healing alone:
Understand self.
Address the pain.
Social support.
Professional counseling.
Address depression, anxiety, and loss.
Deal with shame and guilt.

There is always hope. Be honest. If you’re suffering, say, “I’m suffering because . . .” If our children are suffering, say, “My child is suffering because . . .” Accept others as they are. “All of us need love, and all of us need to love.”

Pornography: What’s the Problem? Where’s the Solution?

Mary Anne Layden

She began by quoting Roger Scruton, who said those who view pornography “risk the loss of love, in a world where only love brings happiness.”

Pornification: The porn industry is a seamless chain, like drug dealing. It has real victims. People justify thinking using “permission-giving beliefs.” Namely, what I’m doing is normal, everyone is doing it, I have a right to sex, etc. 

A study of prison inmates demonstrates that watching porn dramatically normalizes aberrant behavior, including prostitution, group sex, bestiality. Those who use porn usually believe it’s OK to share porn with underage children.

The stripper industry creates rough work conditions for the workers, including violence and harsh language used against them. Only 25 percent of the workers keep a marriage for three years. Female porn stars essentially put bags of Jell-O in their chests. We now have men who are turned on by bags of Jell-O. That’s not good!

Prostitution promotes homelessness, violence, and substance abuse. The average age for entry is 13. Many photos depicted the beatings and horrible work conditions that prostitutes endure. Countries that outlawed prostitution dramatically reduced the number of prostitutes, while countries that legalized it have dramatically increased the number (and the demand), including the number of child prostitutes.

Depornification: 

Don’t legalize prostitution. It increases demand, including child prostitution. Arrest the perpetrators. Don’t support porn companies or mainstream companies that use sex to sell their products, including Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria's Secret, and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition (in which the swimsuit models conveniently forget their swimsuits!).

Ms. Layden invites those who want her slides to contact her at layden@mail.med.upenn.edu.